If someone asked you how you’ve been, how would you answer? A few responses come to mind for me, but I’d say my most frequently used is “busy”. I think that about sums it up. I’m usually answering as I’m holding at least one baby, watching my older two kids like hawks to make sure they don’t run into oncoming traffic, checking my work email, all while hoping my shirt is down after breastfeeding the girls. Sometimes it feels like my head is actually spinning.
But it’s not my head that’s spinning – it’s the world. Spinning, spinning. Seemingly faster and faster every day. I have gotten to a point where I have so many responsibilities, expectations from people, society, places to be, double-booked. I’m not going to be less busy. At least not anytime soon. So when do I find time to be present now? When there’s nothing to take off my plate, where do I find more time?
Recently, my husband voiced interest in eating dinner together at the dining table. I laughed. I might have even rolled my eyes. We have a 5-year-old, a 4-year-old, 1-year-old twin girls, and I don’t get home from work until about 4:30-5 pm. “Yeah, there’s no way we are going to make that happen,” I told him. Up until then our routine was to make a meal for the adults, a meal for ‘the bigs’ and a meal for ‘the littles’, an adult was eating the meal while it was hot and fresh (usually my husband) while I breastfed the babies before their solid meal while the kids ate at a small table and watched a show.
Not glamorous. It was survival. And honestly, before my husband brought up this idea, we probably couldn’t have made it work. That many young kids, varying bedtimes and routines. But we can’t be in survival mode forever, and sometimes we can get stuck in a routine that no longer works.
So we just started doing it. Our meals are simple but delicious- and we still often make something else for at least two of the four kids. It’s loud. We are constantly correcting inappropriate behavior for the table. I have to get up from my meal no less than 10 times to get something, grab a napkin, refill a drink, clean a spill. The babies drop 90% of their food on the floor. It’s a significant effort.
It is one of my most favorite and rewarding parts of the day. It’s reliable, comforting, something to look forward to. I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. What an amazing gift to give our family. The benefits of having meals together is worth the effort it takes to achieve for us. Seriously, Google it. It’s incredible.
If that doesn’t feel attainable for you in this season of life, I promise there are other simple opportunities for you to get a little of your time back. You might find an opportunity with your own screen time. I have started leaving my phone in a separate room from the living area when I get home from work until after my kids go to bed. It offers me more time to read books, play a game, draw, pretend or maybe just sit back and watch. Truly pay attention.
If you’re looking for more time with your kids, invite them to help in an age-appropriate way with the things you already have to do. It will take longer and that’s part of the gift. If you’re looking for more alone time, can you change how you are spending the time you do have? For me, that’s my drive to and from work – guaranteed time three days per week, and what I need right now is QUIET. I have stopped listening to the radio and started practicing meditation during my drive. If you are looking for more time with your partner, turn off the TV in the evening and talk about fun five-year plan goals, watch a YouTube channel and get ideas for new dinner meals.
You are busy. You can’t decide how to better spend your time unless you truly understand what your priorities are, your goals, your mission. Let it be fluid and flexible. Don’t get stuck in the busy suck.
