With our busy schedules, we often need to be intentional about fostering connection with our kids.
As a Mom and a Therapist and Parent Coach, I’m often thinking about the parent-child relationship and how important it is to find time to connect with our kids. Sometimes, moments of connection happen seamlessly, amidst the making of breakfast and getting out the door and taking care of all the things – but other times – connection is harder to come by and requires a little more intentionality and thought.
Here is a brief list of simple, low-cost ways to pursue connection with a child(ren). Each one can be modified depending on the age of the child and if there are multiple children. Read through them and see if any of them stick out to you as something that could breed connection with a child in your life.
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Read a Book
While children grow out of our laps and learn to read on their own, the opportunities to connect over a story or book last throughout the lifespan. Consider ways you could incorporate picture books, chapter books, or audiobooks into your rhythms – or make plans to all read the same book individually – and set a time to talk about the characters, the story, and see what unfolds.
My husband and two boys are currently reading through the Harry Potter Series “together”- they read the book on their own when they have time, but a few nights a week talk about what they’ve read, and of course they celebrate the end of each book with a movie night. It’s lead to great conversations about friendships and some funny inside jokes.
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Go on a Walk or Bike Ride
Getting outside and moving can lead to great moments of connection. Consider ways you can ask your child about their life during your time together, work in a stop at a playground or ice cream shop, or keep it simple and go for a quick walk around the block after dinner.
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Play a Game Together
Playing games is such a great way to connect with our kids! Play a board game, a card game, a yard game, a hand game (Cat’s Cradle or Ms Mary Mack, anyone?), your favorite sport, their favorite sport, a video game – whatever! A big game night can be great, but don’t underestimate the power of a 10-minute card game.
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Watch a TV show or Movie Together
Just like books, television shows and movies allow us to enjoy stories together. Being present with our kids and taking in a story together can lead to amazing questions and conversations about the world, relationships, ideas and more. As a junior high student, my parents and I watched Dawson’s Creek and Gilmore Girls together each week as new episodes were released, and you would not believe the number of important life conversations those shows queued my parents up for!
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Sit Outside for 5-10 minutes
There’s something about being outside together, side by side, that can breed either comfortable silence or conversation. Notice what is happening around you, model curiosity, take the time to ask your child questions, or allow silence and see what comes up. The more often you do this, the more “used” to it your child(ren) will get, which could help it become a richer rhythm.
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Invite them to do a focused errand with you
Even everyday things like picking up the dry cleaning or doing a grocery pick-up can be a moment of connection, especially in families where there are multiple children. On a day when you have some relational energy, invite one of your kids to come with you on a quick errand and intentionally leave your phone in your pocket/purse. Invite your child to pick the music, make eye contact through the review mirror, remind them that you love being with them, or hold their hand if they’ll let you.
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Color, paint, or create with them
Make some time to sit with your child and create – it could be as simple as coloring in a coloring book side by side, or an idea from @startwithartstl, or something more complex like sewing or cooking or woodworking – anything that invites you to feel present can lead to connection.
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Go to a Coffee Shop
Offer to take one of your kids on a date to the coffee shop – and give them uninterrupted face time with you. Maybe you could play a game or discuss a book during this time, or maybe you just talk. Kids are likely to soak up having your full attention, and even a brief break in the day together can reorient your child to you.
If you decide to try any of these out, I would encourage you to keep in mind that when it comes to connection – what matters most is our presence with our children. Do they feel as though we see them and are present?
Even if it’s in 10-minute increments – a couple times a week – offering a child:
Our undistracted attention,
delighting in them and encouraging them,
and having task-free/agenda-free time
can help foster and strengthen relationships with our children in significant ways.
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A few questions to ponder if this is a topic you feel drawn to:
What helps you foster connection with your children?
Do you remember how you enjoyed spending time with the adults in your life when you were a child or teen? What helped you feel most connected to your caregivers?
