A few weekends ago, we took our son on a college visit, and we sat in on an admissions presentation. I hate to admit it, but I was spacing out during the presentation. After doing a few of these shindigs, the information can begin to sound a bit redundant. However, what did stand out were the words uttered by the presenter to the young people in the audience. Sometimes, you will find yourself feeling like you are back at square one, but we are here to help.
My ears perked up when I heard these words because it resonated with my soul. Going off to college is such a big milestone, but also an overwhelming one. By the end of high school most students would have formed meaningful relationships and school rhythms, only to have to start over at a new college. That can be a lot! Granted, some will go to college and transition quicker because of a sport, being part of a fraternity or sorority, or joining a fellowship program at the college, but others may not.
Our daughter is in her third year of college, and she is figuring out her rhythm and getting her footing. My heart always goes out to her and those who graduated in the class of 2022, because two of the four years in high school were far from ordinary and mostly a fog. Thanks, pandemic. Inherently, it sped up their high school years and these young people were catapulted into college so quickly while still processing it all: social anxiety, mental health, and all the things.
Now, our son is getting ready to go off to college next year and to start back at square one. We pray he finds his network of support quickly. Parents, there is nothing that can prepare our children fully for going off to college. Conversations before college may help, but these hold little meaning for them without context. Some things are lived and learned and that can be a hard thing to accept as a parent.
Nevertheless, it is good and right that we pray for them, or nudge them to seek support and a safe community. Life will be filled with back to square one moments, but we can remind our children how others are there to journey with them.
I can’t number all the times I felt like I was back at square one, but I am so grateful to recall those who were there for me in every stage and season of life. Here is a shortlist compilation of my major and minor back to square one moments:
Going from L.A. to Indiana for undergraduate studies
Beginning as a new teacher at age twenty-two
Relocating to St. Louis in 2016 from Los Angeles
Starting new at a church (three times)
Settling into new schools
Getting familiar with new curriculum
Not to mention the back to square one moments in motherhood:
Welcoming a new baby into the family
Reattempting potty training and sleeping routines (again and again)
Going back to work after being off for a while
Surely more will come to mind.
For you, it may include rebuilding a community or relationship, starting again after illness, a death, or a big transition. Friend, I hope you have your people to surround you, to walk with you, and to help things feel lighter. I understand how starting back at square one can feel nerve-wracking, paralyzing, exhausting, disorienting, and/or scary.
Back to our children, remember all of this when your child finds themselves back at square one. Maybe it’s college or a new school, a new class or a new home, a new sport or a new job. Remember to show compassion and to make room for them to feel and process.
What “back to square one” moments have you experienced?
Where are you now?
What helps you work through those moments?
