I’ve been thinking a lot this week about the toll of parenthood on mental health. Not that I’ve had much time to myself for deep thoughts. My daughter’s daycare classroom is closed for 10 days due to a Covid case. My partner and I are both valiantly trying to work from home, and to top it off, my oldest is off school for two of those days as well. The constant care feels draining. It feels like March 2020 all over again. I love my kids to the moon and back, but sometimes, I’d like to take a trip to the actual moon if it meant I could get a break from refereeing arguments over toys and responding to “Mom, mom, mom, mom … MOM!” all day.
It’s a topic I think too many of us are ashamed to talk about for fear that others will perceive us as bad parents. We’re supposed to be treasuring every moment, right? The hours are long, but the days are short, and all that jazz. So what does it mean when it feels more soul-sucking than life-giving to parent? It’s a strange dichotomy to love a little human so much you’d take a bullet for them, and yet really wish they’d stop asking you for snacks.
In the thick of it all, it feels like … a LOT. Even with a supportive partner who does their fair share of the caring and nurturing. Even with the occasional babysitter or family member taking them for an evening. So what’s a mom to do? I’m no expert by any means, obviously, but here are the things that get me through, even just barely.
Medication and Therapy
I started taking anxiety meds after the birth of my second child, and once I was no longer continually anxious, I realized (to the surprise of literally no one around me) that anxiety had been a problem for most of my life. So, I’m an unapologetic “medicated momma”. Talk therapy is also a big help. It was incredibly validating to have someone pump the brakes for me when I was opining whether needing breaks from my kids was going to screw them up.
Physical and Mental Activity
Exercise is also part of the finicky recipe that keeps my mental health in shape as much as my body. Exercise is usually the last thing I feel like doing. But, going for a solo run is the single best way for me to clear everything away when it all gets to be too much. I’m not in the best of running shape currently, so I can’t focus on much else besides breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. Other times to wind down from a hectic day, it’s a Yoga with Adriene video on YouTube. Last year, I also started meditating before bed. It definitely helps quiet the flood of thoughts that show up as soon as I lie down.
Taking REAL Breaks
Sometimes, I just need to get out of the house. It doesn’t have to be as exciting as a trip to the spa or going to Target alone. I’ve been known to grab a cup of coffee and find a parking spot where I can listen to a podcast in peace for a little while. If a break outside the house is not going to happen, I’m trying to get better at really resting when the opportunity arises at home. Naptime is a prime example. My natural inclination is to spend that time catching up on household chores or sending emails. Lately, I’m trying to truly enjoy the peace and quiet. The laundry and dishwasher will still be there waiting later on, but that hour to just breathe and be alone with my thoughts is priceless.
Now that my littles are not so little anymore, I’m looking forward to new possibilities for supporting my mental health in the future. When the world allows, I’d love to schedule a solo weekend (or even one night) away as well as a trip with just my partner.
If you take anything away, let it be this: If you feel like parenthood is a slow drain on your mental well-being, it’s okay. You’re not alone. You’re not a bad parent. Needing a break or taking time to do things that fill your cup is not detrimental to your children. What they are actually witnessing is how we should care for ourselves well, even as we care for others.
