When I met and married my French husband overseas, I knew meshing our lives together would not come easy. After all, we’re not from the same country, let alone the same continent, nor do we share the same native language, love for air conditioning, and the list goes on and on. Although we had a wonderful life and community in France, we knew we belonged in the United States with a growing family and grandparents longing to know our children and who we wanted to be near, too.
By much divine grace and assistance, we’ve settled into our American groove and completed the heavy lifting of finalising immigration papers and moving internationally (OOF!) But in settling into this new chapter of our lives, which has brought great joy, the reality of a life of being torn between two places has also set in.
A Heart Divided
When we lived in France, my heart would start to ache around Thanksgiving as I imagined my family around the table with their full hearts and bellies. My husband would graciously cook a roasted chicken and make apple tart as our own sweet way to celebrate. The ache would increase as Christmas approached, but then emotions would settle and return to normal once the new year passed, though a still and quiet longing for home would always remain.
I thought that gnawing feeling would dissipate as soon as we took that final plane ride from Paris to the US but it continued. Now we think of the aunts and uncles and cousins we left behind. Not to mention the French holidays, traditions, and specialities that won’t be the same this side of the Atlantic.
We were sad when my parents weren’t able to hold our daughter the day she was born, but as we await the arrival of our second daughter any day now, our hearts are heavy for her overseas family who can’t wait to meet her, too.
Easing the Distance
Here are some tangible ways we’ve found to bridge the distance:
Snail Mail: It takes longer and is more expensive when sending things overseas, but it’s worth it to see that foreign letter arrive in your mailbox. We aim to at least send birthday cards if we can.
WhatsApp: Free, easy, AND you can leave voice recordings if chatting live isn’t possible (which it nearly never is with the time difference!) And it takes the pressure off building up to an epically long Skype or FaceTime chat because you can give life updates along the way.
FaceTime: How can you ever beat real-time, face-to-face conversation? Even if 5,000 miles separate you! ESPECIALLY when showing off cute babies is involved.
Intentional Vacation Planning: We don’t take weekend trips and curb our spending in the hopes that we’ll soon to be able to afford an overseas visit to see family. Summer vacations might not ever look “normal” for our family and may only happen every few years, but this will be a way to bridge the gap.
Omitting Gift Expectations: I am a gifts person. I love to plan, prepare and execute the giving of the perfect gift. But I soon realized how expensive (and time-consuming, hello customs forms!) it is to ship packages, no matter how small, overseas. We’ve all agreed to cease the expectation of sending gifts overseas and take the pressure off.
Ultimately, we feel blessed beyond measure that we have two loving families who want to know us and love us (as we do them!), and respect our decision to live where we do. We hate that our daughters will never know their French grandparents, both deceased before they were born, but are abundantly blessed by their American grandparents who love them to the moon and back (and we sure do love them, too!)
Mamas: whether an ocean, a state line, or a country separates you from your family, my heart is with you this holiday season. What a blessing to have people to love, and who love you, even if they’re far away!
