Often, the word “mom” is synonymous with “overcommitment.”
My calendar gets a little bit fuller each day. Appointments, meetings, events, and work shifts are appearing at a record pace. Is this part of the kids getting older, or is this something I am just doing to myself? Inquiring minds want to know.
My typical plate consists of a standard 40-hour workweek, making sure kids get on the bus, do homework, eat meals, and bathe, and then trying to keep the house in some semblance of order. Recent additional commitments include: acquiring a part-time job at a local retail store (about 10-12 hours per weekend), volunteering as co-leader for my Kindergartener’s Daisy Girl Scout Troop, volunteering to be the Cookie Mom for said Daisy troop, volunteering a couple of days a month in my Kindergartener’s classroom helping with reading and sight words and just generally taking on any projects I am asked to do involving my kiddos. It was exhausting just typing that out. Why am I this way?
According to Psychology Today, “High-achieving women overcommit for so many different reasons and to so many different things that it’s hard to keep up some times—for them as well as others.” Well, that explains a lot. Wait … am I a high-achieving woman? *Googles high-achieving definition*. A high-achiever is dynamic, ambitious, hard-working, and successful. This prompts a message to my friends, “would you consider me a high-achiever?” The answer was an overwhelming yes. Yikes on bikes, there is a reason I am this way! Now we are getting somewhere.
In an article from the American Psychological Association, Dr. Carol Williams-Nickelson discusses several ways that making good choices can help stop the cycle of overcommitting:
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- Examine your schedule and available time. List all responsibilities, routines, and mandatory activities.
- Survey and prioritize. Can you scale back on any activities? Have you already taken on too much?
- Avoid last-minute commitments. Make sure the expectations of the time investments are clear, and you are setting aside “me” time before taking on another obligation.
- Say “no” and “yes” and mean it. Saying “no” can be terrifying to a high-achiever, but setting boundaries is vital to maintaining a healthy balance.
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Wow! Now that I have all of this useful knowledge, I can start my detox on overcommitting, right? Highly, highly unlikely. How would I be able to complain about being overcommitted if I wasn’t really overcommitted? All joking aside, I like being busy. I like feeling needed and trusted to do things. In general I just like helping people.
If you’ve made it this far and you’re waiting for the “glow up” featuring a well-rested, relaxed Erin, I’m sorry to disappoint. Like I said, it’s highly unlikely I will stop doing “things” but here is what I AM going to do: LIVE! I’m going to take every opportunity to be involved in activities or events for my kids. The years are flying by more quickly than I ever imagined they would before I had kids. If they are going camping or horseback riding, I want to be there to see the joy on their faces as they experience life. I want to see them interact with their peers. I want to see them overcome challenges and fears. I want to experience it all firsthand.
If this makes me that “crazy” mom, then such is life. In 30 years, when we are sitting around the dinner table at Thanksgiving or opening presents on Christmas morning, I can’t wait to hear, “Do you remember how much fun we had? Do you remember how there were no lights in the cabin, and the spiders were as big as my hand? Do you remember when we went ice skating for my birthday?” Yes! I remember!
So, for now, the story of the overcommitted mom will be ending with a cliffhanger. Will she abandon the calendar and throw away all the clocks? Will she hire a personal assistant? You just might need to stay tuned for Season 2. Don’t be surprised if there are scheduling conflicts, though!
