I Wasn’t Being the Mom my Daughter Needed

My almost 13-year-old recently came to me and told me that I wasn’t being the mom that she needed. I mean, she didn’t come out and say that, but that was definitely the message received. I am very proud of her for being able to vocalize her needs, but honestly? That conversation was a hit to my pride. I mean, I thought I was a “good” mom. 

• She hears “I love you” more than once a day and receives hugs just about as often.
• She plays basketball, and I’m there at every single game cheering her on. 
• I always have her back and advocate for her. When something isn’t right at school, I make communication a priority. And we talk about homework, and grades, and tests.
• I’m a full-time single mom, supporting my daughter by myself, and she has never wanted for anything. White Fox hoodie and High Nike socks? She’s got them both.
• Religion isn’t my thing, but I drive her and her friend to Youth Group every Wednesday evening.
• I said yes to her having a “boyfriend” in 7th grade – even though I didn’t even have my first kiss till sophomore year.

I feel like I could go on and on – but that would just be to try and prove it to myself and all of you. Because the person whose opinion on my parenting matters most? She checked off that box that says “Needs Improvement.”

Despite the fact that most days I’m pretty sure that I am actually a “good mom,” – she still needed “more.” She wanted more quality time. She wanted to feel like she had a really positive relationship with me. And even though there are many days where I feel like I have nothing left to give, I am finding the “more” to give her. 

• Grocery pickups used to be my “me time,” but now I ask her if she wants to go with me. 
• Dissociating on social media before bed had been one of my favorite pastimes, but now I go watch an episode of her favorite TV show with her in her room. 
• I normally prefer to be alone when making dinner to help prevent getting flustered or overstimulated, but I’ve been trying to ask her to come hang out with me and talk to me while I’m cooking.
• Reading is my favorite pastime, so I’ll read next to her while she’s doing homework or invite her to go read with me at Lydia’s or TexMo coffee (for her, it’s more about getting a fancy coffee drink and something from the bakery, but she still reads a little too, so I call it a win).
• I’ve been making an effort to just listen more, instead of what she calls “judging” (I like to call it parenting and giving it advice…)

Now, this is the part where I wish I could tell you that I could go on and on, but I can’t yet. I’m still figuring out ways to give her more of what she needs, but I’m hopeful we’re headed in the right direction now.