Feeling lost in motherhood? You are not alone.
Dear New Mama,
I see the excitement and nerves you feel as you embark on this next phase. I see you preparing as best you can— the books, the articles, the advice. I see you birthing a child like a champ— epidural, natural, c-section— you’re a champ. I see you waking up every 2 hours as you navigate breastfeeding. I see your worry wondering if your newborn has eaten enough. I see you pumping to keep your supply up. I see you bouncing and shushing to soothe your infant. I see you reading and researching every milestone to make sure you’re proactive and prepared. I see you working hard to maintain friendships. I see you cooking dinner. I see you doing laundry like an endless revolving door. I see you tidying up the house. I see you looking in the mirror, wondering when your body will “bounce back.” I see you attempting to work out and feeling like it’s an uphill battle. I see you searching for part-time help but feeling guilty for even considering it. I see you trying to nap while the baby naps but unable to settle your mind. I see you in planning mode ensuring everything is optimized around the baby’s nap schedule. I see you bound to the clock, constantly. I see you trying to do it all alone, feeling guilty asking for help. I see you trying to be “perfect,” because after all, this is the path you chose. I see your tired eyes. I see you struggling to keep it all together. I see you because I was you.
I had lost myself in motherhood. Motherhood was me; I was motherhood. There was no one else. Was I still funny? Could I talk about anything else besides kids? Why was being spontaneous so freaking hard? Will I ever sleep in again? Why weren’t there 30 hours in a day?
It’s often said that sometimes you need to lose yourself in order to find yourself. While, in many ways, the past few years have felt like I’ve lost myself, I’m beginning to recognize how it was all a gradual transformation. Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, I see a beautiful version of me spreading my wings.
Dear Mama v2.0,
I acknowledge your growth. I see you navigating parenthood with confidence — you’ve got this. I see you building and fostering your inner circle and support system. I see you cooking a fresh meal and also being okay heating up frozen chicken nuggets because, balance. I see you letting the laundry and dishes sit an extra day because, who cares? I see you looking in the mirror and feeling proud of all your body can do because, damn. I see you going to the gym every day, not to lose weight but because your health matters. I see you accepting help— family, friends, spouse, hired help— because it takes a village. I see you taking a break or a nap when you need to because, happy mama, happy kids. I see you taking a weekend trip with your girlfriends because it’s necessity. I see you letting go of “perfect” and embracing what is. I see your eyes beginning to look brighter (with the help of some good skincare, let’s be honest). I see you resurfacing and learning to swim with the currents. I see you because I am now you.
