I’ll never forget the day I told my boys they’d have a new little addition to add on to the crew. They all sat at the dinner table with different emotions of excitement, shocked, joyful and then there was my youngest who sat so quiet. Months passed by, and the baby grew bigger and bigger in my stomach. They all were counting down the days.
One night after I got the older boys settled, I sat with my youngest and we played and then continued on with our usual bedtime stories and cuddles before bedtime. He sat and held my stomach and told me how big it was getting. He said it was like a balloon and then said it was big like an airplane, too. We laughed and as we read the sixth book, I noticed he had dozed off. As bad as I wanted to rush to my bed, I sat with him awhile as he curled next to my stomach. I thought of all the many things us mamas think of when bringing a new baby to join the crew. Will he feel as loved? Would he be sad or happy and supported?
It was almost the end of summer and school was starting back soon. I had just had a beautiful and healthy baby girl and my house was pure chaos. The many transitions of the first day of preschool, last day of elementary school, new baby … You could only imagine how I felt. Exhausted. Every where I went or turned everyone asked about the baby and I would smile and with so much excitement to speak on how she was doing and all the tiny details.
That went on for quite awhile … first and only girl, it had to have been three months straight. The older boys were completely unbothered by the talks of their baby sister. However Santana, my youngest boy, he started to look so sad at times. His dad would brush it off as he was tired or maybe just being in a mood. I noticed my little four-year-old who was normally so happy and full of energy become really quiet and overcome with many emotions. That’s when I knew something wasn’t right. I didn’t know if it was just too many transitions with him starting preschool for the first time or what.
I’ll never forget the day. I was nursing Zhuri, and he was playing with his toy cars. He wanted me to play so badly with him and I told him could he give me a second. By the time I looked up, he was just sitting there pouting. I asked him did he not want to play and that I was ready to play and he simply said “I do not want to anymore.” I put Zhuri down and as she rest I sat with him and talked about his cars and school and that’s when he said “Mama, am I still your baby, too?” I immediately just hugged him so tight and said of course you’re my baby, you will always be my baby. He had the biggest smile on his face and he sat on my lap for at least 90 minutes.
It made me realize that even though his Dad and I included him with everything, showed him extra love during all the many transitions and made him feel like a super big brother, he wanted to still be baby, too. He wanted to sit and lay on my lap, he wanted me to rock him. He wanted all the things I used to do that naturally stopped, not intentionally, when his sister came. From that day forward, I worked really hard to make him feel like he was definitely my baby, too.
Fast forward to Zhuri being half a year and him approaching 5 years old. He’s definitely growing into the ‘big boy’ and ‘big brother’ now. I always joke with him and say, “Come on my little baby, let’s go.” His older brother, Dj, said “he’s not a baby, he’s a big boy” and Santana said, “yes, I’m a big boy now, mama.” Last week, I picked them up from school and the weather was amazing so I had Zhuri in her strolling waiting at the preschool door. Everyone was raving over how beautiful she is and then Santana turned to me and asked again, “mama, am I still your baby, too?” and I responded with, “of course you are, you’ll always be my baby” we hugged so long and he smiled so big.
This is a reminder to include the bigger siblings who were the babies for so long. Make sure they feel all the love and support and let them know they are still, in fact, the baby as well.
