The school year was off and running. Here we are, he’s finally in Kindergarten! I marveled at how well he was doing in the first few days. My son no longer had me to walk him to his classroom— now that he was in Kindergarten, we went through the drop-off line in the front of the school.
On the third day of school, we were getting ready in the morning when he made an observation to me. “Momma, I haven’t seen Bradly* at school or in the other Kindergarten class.” My husband and I had been leaving hints that Bradly might not be at school this year, but I had to suck it up and tell my son his close friend Bradly would no longer be at school with him.
I witnessed my son’s world crumble before my eyes. Tears were forming, his little chin was starting to shake. My stomach dropped. It was a gut punch to him, heartbreak. I could see his mind trying to make sense of it. “What do you mean? Why isn’t he going to be at school with me?” he questioned.
I scooped him up in my arms and said, “Bradly’s mom and dad chose to send him to a different school for Kindergarten. Daddy and I choose to keep you at the school you’ve been at for this year.”
I was mending my 5-year-old’s first broken heart with the loss of his best friend no longer being at his school. I hurt for him.
Here are some tips when navigating your child’s sadness:
Validate their feelings. After I scooped my son up, I set him on my lap and said, “It’s okay to be sad. And I’m sure you’re feeling confused right now.”
Ask if they have any questions. Sometimes we have the answers as parents, and sometimes we don’t, but it opens the line of communication.
Say that you’re there to listen. When we walked to the car to leave for school that morning, I could tell he was still processing. I asked if there was something he wanted to talk about, and I was met with silence. I said to him, “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen.”
You can never go wrong with a hug. Not all kids want to be touched, but mine, he loves to snuggle and hug. Feeling close to his parents makes him feel secure.
The subject may get brought up again, or the same questions asked later in the day or over the next week. Their little brains are processing it the way they know how. Validate their feelings of confusion, sadness, etc., and answer the question the same as before, as you know it.
If this was going to be the only worry and the only broken heart of his life, it would be a dream. Isn’t that what all parents want, for their kids not to experience any of the hurt of the world? Unfortunately, we know that’s just not possible. Like every new season we face in our children’s lives, it’s the first time we typically have to handle it as parents, and it could be the first time they understand the situation.
I’ve learned it’s best to dive head-first into it. Navigate the uncomfortable questions, and the feelings, and be as open as I can as a mom. When I don’t have an answer, I simply say to him, “You know, I don’t know the answer, but maybe we can figure it out together.”
Later the same day when I had to tell my son his friend was no longer going to be at his school, I met up with some girlfriends. Michelle’s youngest is 16. When I explained the morning episode and how my heart hurt, she grabbed my hand and said, “sister, there’s, unfortunately, going to be a lot more.”
While I know she’s right, my hope is I am able to give him a soft landing. I’m his safe space and will walk alongside him through whatever journey is thrown his way, and mending the pieces.
*Name changed
