Before I jump into this, I want to say it is extremely difficult for me to write this, to be this transparent, as nobody wants their child to be judged. But I am hoping this will help someone like it has helped me and my family ….
We have the most amazing son- he is the oldest, he has the VERY best heart (I always tell him he has a golden heart! ????), empathetic, such a GENIUS (kid has been reading since 2 years old and has always been a exemplary student!), and he is the biggest car enthusiast you’ve ever seen at almost 9 years old! My social butterfly and my heart!
He has such great qualities … he’s such a great kid! But, sometimes he has moments. BIG and LOUD moments where he has VERY big feelings. He can get angry (really angry if I’m being honest)- he is very strong-willed and doesn’t like the word no AT ALL. He can get easily frustrated or annoyed (total perfectionist!), and our overall happiness in our household was being very challenged at the height of all of this last summer.
None of those challenging behaviors were new as our oldest has always shown them since he was young. We had tried everything including several visits to our pediatrician’s office, family therapy (since he was about 2 with just my husband and I), occupational therapy (which he graduated from in a matter of weeks), early testing for autism (which they said he did not have), holistic options like cutting out dyes and Genexa … we still struggled to get any answers or relief from the challenging behaviors we were experiencing at home.
Until one day …
Our favorite NP at our pediatrician’s office (who has seen our big boy since he was a baby) asked us, “Have you tried PCIT?” And of course, we were like, “What is that?” We had never heard of it before! She explained that it was Parent Child Interaction Therapy. And, being honest here, we were not interested because we thought to ourselves, communication is NOT the problem … WE are not the problem … she probably recommended this at-least three years ago and we just never considered it until we were out of options. We had lost hope … and our optimistic attitude was seriously fading through very challenging times.
Last July, I decided to get on the waiting list for PCIT. I did my research on therapists, and there was one that stuck out to me. We had our initial consultation, and I’ll never forget crying on that video call with her and my husband. My fear was that my child would never be able to be his best self. That this generational curse that runs on my Dad’s side of the family, which consists of personality traits such as: anger, jealousy, meanness, would end up being those of our son. That his life would just end up being a mess and wasted just like my Dad’s life unfortunately was.
I thought, our son was the one with the problem- not us …
I was so wrong!
Our therapist said, together, we will work on this. It’s not just your son that needs this therapy- it’s you all too! Your family working together is going to make this better-
The way you communicate, and not bringing attention to those behaviors you don’t want to see, is going to help all of you, but more importantly, your son.
So, we gave it a try and ended up getting in around October of last year. We graduated in April of this year, and I can say- my relationship with my son has never been better! We went to weekly sessions, and it was my husband, myself, and our son. All three of us working on communication, our relationships, and how to handle certain situations. We learned about SA (Selective Attention) and other tools to help us during very challenging times. She was right there with us to walk us through all of it (never felt rushed in a session- sessions lasted about 1.5 hours), and we now are confident in our parenting and that through this we are helping our child to be his best self.
We will be sending him back to her soon for coping strategies, which she offers to help him in daily life to handle whatever life throws at him. She also offers refresher sessions for PCIT after you graduate (which we will take advantage of soon, as well)!
Here’s a couple more things about PCIT:
- PCIT- Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is an evidence-based therapy for young children (typically ages 2-7) and their caregivers, focusing on improving the parent-child relationship and reducing disruptive behaviors.
The therapy involves live coaching where a therapist guides parents through play to implement strategies for positive interactions and to manage challenging behaviors. Through two phases—Child-Directed Interaction (CDI) and Behavioral Coaching (BC)—PCIT helps build a stronger, more secure relationship and equips parents with the skills for effective limit-setting and communication. Credit: Google
- Insurance usually DOES NOT cover this (why?! This is such an important tool for parents and kids!). We did pay out of pocket, and let me tell you- it’s worth every single penny!
- There is usually a waitlist (get on it! It took us just a couple of weeks to get on the schedule- TOTALLY worth the wait!)
- There are very few therapists that specialize in PCIT …
- You do have homework as a family in PCIT- you work on things at home too!
- PCIT is something you graduate from-you have goals you and your child are working hard on to accomplish!
I hope this helps someone out there. We are so proud of our big boy! Yes, we still have some big emotions at times but! We know how to handle those big emotions- with love, patience, and SA sometimes. We are helping our big boy to be his best self, and we are learning how to be our best selves too!
PCIT, truly, was an answered prayer …!
