After having her baby girl, Rika felt like something was missing … and made it a priority to find it.
I looked in the mirror and I just didn’t see myself anymore.
I’m sure many of you have experienced that feeling after having a baby. It’s like a mix of emotions— you’re happy, sad, relieved, but also, it just doesn’t feel like you, the “regular you.” Well, that’s exactly how I felt after having my baby girl. I was the happiest girl in town with my new baby but when I’d look in the mirror, I just didn’t see myself. I was huge, I looked so tired, and I felt horrible.
My husband always reassured me, “you are beautiful, babe. You just had a baby.” It did help to receive the compliments sometimes, and I gave myself a break from the mirror and from the typical superhero mom activities. I think that was the thing that was different with me having a baby this time around— I wanted to prioritize myself and baby girl, of course.
Fast forward to my baby turning one in August, time really flies … I was so exhausted and just in a funk my entire aftermath of pregnancy that every picture I have of us, I looked like I was just there. I didn’t look happy, there wasn’t a special glow about me, and again, my eyes screamed of exhaustion. It made me really realize that I was pushing through and basically in survival mode without asking anyone for help or allowing people to know I mentally was not okay. Happy marriage, supportive husband, happy and healthy kiddos, but something was still missing. It was me, the old me.
So I made a promise to myself to write all the things I wanted back: jogging, walks, spa dates, etc., and make it a priority days out of the month, to accomplish the things that I wanted for me. I’ve started back yoga, actively walking, saunas, leaving my husband and kids for the day to go get a massage and spa treatments and more. It may seem like simple stuff that I should be already doing but for so long I stopped to be the supermom running from the school pick-up line to a sports practice, to do laundry, cook, clean the house, make sure they have the right uniform to head out the door to do it all over again. The burnout was real, and I was exhausted by it. 
It has been great to be sticking to what works for me. I plan it out with a great schedule. Being able to be in bed early, up with my hot tea before the kids get up, get them off to school and still have time for me. It’s allowed me to be calmer, more in tune with my kiddos and very present. My oldest even asked “what was different” one day, and I just smiled.
I spent almost 11 years of motherhood being a young mom and thinking and believing that I should always put the child and my husband first. That to be selfless was to be a good mom and good woman. This time around I just felt different, and there was a change in me. I think it was me having a baby girl that just allowed me to think differently. I knew that the priority should be the caretaker, which is me. I have to be loved and nurtured and well, too, so I can show up as my best self. When I take care of myself, I am a much more loving wife and mom.
So this a message to all the mamas and soon-to-be mamas out there: We are worthy and never forget it. We have to focus on things that may seem to be on the back burner so that we can feel great and healthy.
