Knowing that you might be putting a child at risk of entering into “The System” is a scary thing. The impact that has on the family, the child, the siblings – and being unsure it will end up for the best.
On a superficial level, this is an easy call to make. I am a mandated reporter (all foster parents are), therefore, any reports of abuse I hear first-hand I have to report or “Hotline” to Children’s Division. I don’t have to determine if the child should or shouldn’t be removed from the home or the intricacies of what ‘abuse’ means in the State of Missouri. So, at the end of the day – I report and let others make the determination of if it should be investigated or referred or ignored and how they proceed.
But it’s not that easy. What lays on my conscious is knowing full well what the system is like and knowing that this child does not belong in the system. There are so many stories – many of them true – about foster homes being worse than the homes the children are removed from. About children abused and neglected in care. About parents who do not have the capacity to advocate for themselves losing their children to over-eager, resource-rich adoptive parents. About a system that doesn’t have enough resources to meet the needs of all foster children and all biological families to reunify those children who should be reunified. And about the lasting trauma that is inflicted on children who are removed from their parents and away from their communities.
On the one hand, I believe it is not acceptable for a parent to inflict pain on a child as a form of punishment. It could get out of hand and seriously injure the child or endanger her life. It’s never okay to intentionally hurt children and evidence shows that it is not an effective form of punishment and has lasting negative consequences. It also perpetuates domestic violence and the use of physical violence as a strategy for conflict resolution.
On the other hand, this form of punishment is widely accepted in other cultures. I grew up in a home that didn’t use physical violence, but my husband did. He respected his parents and stayed out of trouble with the fear of being beaten with a shoe or coat hanger. In many households this form of punishment is accepted and in the State of Missouri, physical punishment is allowable. Adults are allowed to punish children using violence as long as they do not leave a mark on the child.
My hotline report includes what the abuse was, but more importantly it stressed how it could be seen. What evidence was there. What marks were left. My hotline report was made a week after the incident. It’s possible that there are no more marks left. Or that if everyone denies the event and the marks can be explained in another way (falling, an accident, a sibling), then the investigation will be closed, and the abuse will likely continue.
I know that as a mandated reporter, I have to report. But I can’t just report and walk away, dismissing the fact that a family might soon be torn apart. I have this weight on my shoulders and will not stop turning it over in my mind until I hear what will happen with the investigation. And it may be weeks before I hear anything.
I do believe that this child’s parents need to know that physical punishment is not acceptable, but I do not believe this child should be taken away from her family, community, church, and friends to live with strangers, or worse in a residential facility, while her parents get the support they need. The foster care system does not need any more children, but a child does not deserve to be abused. My hope is that the system sees this as a referral case, where the family unit can be preserved, a caseworker can be assigned to supervise the family closely and provide education and skills to the parents so that the abuse doesn’t continue. Will this happen? It’s impossible to say.
