What is more wonderful than having a family of your own? Having extended family to be around to share in that joy and be an added layer of support! Having present, interested, and loving grandparents is a gift. The grandparent relationship doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does require work to maintain, just like all relationships. Here, you’ll find my ‘wish list’ of ways grandparents can foster a strong relationship.
1. Please still be my parents first. I know becoming a grandparent is exciting, and it’s certainly not a job I want to take away. But becoming a first-time mother, and certainly as I’ve grown my family and have met more complicated challenges, I need my parents. Ask me how I am. Text ME. Check on me.
2. Repeat after me, “Yes, that must be hard”. Period to end that sentence. I come to you for comfort and strength; sometimes for advice, but not always. Often, I just need someone I trust reassuring me that what I’m doing is hard and that I’m doing a great job.
3. Tell me I’m doing a great job. Parenting is thankless, and I believe you when you tell me I’m doing great. I need to hear that.
4. Drop off a meal. A snack. A dessert. A gallon of milk. Anything! If you’re out and about, ask if we need anything.
5. Please respect the choices I make for my family and know they were made with thought and deep care. When it’s about safety, please comply.
6. Let me know if I’m asking too much from you. A young family is a lot to manage, and I need a lot of help. If I have asked something you cannot feasibly help with – please tell me so there’s no guessing or weirdness.
7. Meet me where I am. In the stage of life of having small kids, it’s not easy to be flexible. If you feel like you long for more time with our family, consider asking for things that are attainable for us: shorter visit times, driving to us, lower expectations for us hosting or preparing an event.
8. Please don’t be offended if I don’t do things the way you did. It’s not a statement or meant to be hurtful. My traditions may not be the same.
9. Don’t have a favorite. Please.
10. Thoughtfulness and time spent will always trump toys. Always.
I know everyone’s family dynamics are well … dynamic. In my opinion, a strong grandparent relationship foundation is based on the desire to help the entire family unit. Some of the above points are specific to families with young children, and like the rest of life, the physical abilities and needs of people change over time. One day, those kids will be older, and there will be more flexibility and needs may change.
