It didn’t take long after my first maternity leave ended for me to realize something—The world is still built for families with a stay-at-home caregiver. Many workplaces, schools, and activities are not set up in a way that represent the needs of a large portion of the population. In 2018, the Bureau of Labor Statistics estimated that in 63% of two-parent households, both parents were employed.1 That number, predictably, rose for single parent households. So, if the current social structure is less than ideal for more than half of the population, why haven’t we seen more changes?
The Struggle
The struggle is so normal we may not even think about it. Take the work week for example. Normal business hours generally run somewhere between 8:00-6:00. Add on school pick-up, making dinner, the whole bath/bedtime routine, and time seems to evaporate. I regularly rush home with two crabby kids in tow in a losing race to get dinner served before the true meltdowns begin. No one it seems is getting enough face time with each other or down time to relax as we march from one activity to another just to get everything done.
The school system in many parts of the country is another example of a social structure that hasn’t caught up to the reality of working families. For example, the elementary school my daughter will attend starts at 9:00 a.m. and ends at 4:00 p.m. So she will need before and after care with its associated costs. Additionally, working families have to take time off or arrange for childcare during school holidays, and most notably, several weeks of summer vacation. One of my coworkers creates a multi-tab spreadsheet to organize the succession of camps and babysitters that will keep her daughter cared for during summer break.
As a working mom, I often struggle with feeling like I’m missing out on quality time with my kids during the day. There seem to be so many great weekday-only activities: play groups, story hours, mommy and me classes, Parents as Teachers. Of course, we have weekends. You know, those two days where we try to squeeze in all the things there wasn’t time to accomplish during the workweek. We do try to include some family fun time at a playground or local attraction, often packed with other families also trying to make the most of their limited time together.
Our Workarounds
So until the world changes, what can we do to stay sane? I’m not an expert by any means, but I’ve patched together a few workarounds to help me stay afloat.
- I’m incredibly lucky to be able to work from home occasionally, and I’m frequently able to flex the start and end of my workdays. This flexibility allows me to throw a load of laundry in the washer between conference calls or log off for daycare pickup and then log on again after bedtime to finish up for the day.
- For those never-ending errands, we sometimes utilize grocery delivery and are frequently flyers at our Target drive-up.
- Full week meal prep has always felt too daunting to me (just another thing to add to my plate on the weekend). So, to make those weeknight dinners a little easier, my husband is in charge of prepping as much as possible the night before, so I can go straight to cooking when I get home.
- We also split up household chores so one partner isn’t overwhelmed. For example, my husband is great at post-dinner clean-up (a job I despise), and I don’t mind folding laundry (his least favorite).
- A gift for us both has been hiring a cleaning service who visits once a month to give the whole house a thorough cleaning. That allows us the freedom to keep things relatively neat during the rest of the month without having to dedicate hours on the weekend to scrubbing.
- To help with my desire for more quality time, I would like to take a day off once a quarter to do something special with one of the kids. For example, one day last month, I sent my 3-year-old to preschool as usual and kept the baby home for some one-on-one time.
I do want to acknowledge the privilege in having these options available to me. They assume a 9-5 working environment and job that allows flexibility. They assume the ability to hire help where needed. And not least of all, they assume a partner willing to share the burden of household management. I fully own these options are not, in fact, options for everyone. And that’s the point. The reality is that it’s increasingly common for parents to work outside the home. It’s past time for society to evolve so everyone, regardless of background or budget, has better options to help them manage it all.
Are you a working parent? What workarounds are helping you keep it all together?
1 Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2019, April 18). Employment Characteristics of Families Summary. Retrieved from www.bls.gov/new.release/famee.nr0.htm
