Recently, I had an interaction with another mom where she told me I was “defensive” of my daughter. She said it as if it were a bad thing.
Is being a protective mom necessarily bad? Is being a “mama bear” the worst thing? It’s 2024 – I am CONSTANTLY on alert as a mom. Strangers out in public, new friends and their families, chat capabilities in online games, social media … my tween is surrounded by possibly dangerous environments all day long. As her mom, I potentially need to be able to step in and help her when she finds herself in these types of situations. But it doesn’t stop there for me – I am also ALWAYS watching and listening to make sure that my daughter isn’t on the receiving end of racism.
The mom who called me defensive probably doesn’t remember a previous interaction we had over the summer. We were at the pool, and this mom referred to my child as “dark.” I had been looking for my daughter and her friends, and asked if she’d seen them. She pointed to a girl with just her legs sticking out of the water and said, “I thought that was her, but she’s not dark enough.”
She didn’t call my daughter some horrible, racist slur — but her comment was a more subtle form of racial stereotyping. This comment she made about my daughter and her skin color is a form of racial microagression. Beverly Daniel Tatum, a psychologist, says that racial microagressions are “brief and commonplace verbal, behavioral or environmental indignities” and that they “can be intentional or unintentional and sometimes even well-meaning. But they communicate hostile, derogatory or negative racial messages or assumptions to the receiver.”
So when I was having a second interaction with this mom (where she called me defensive), I was instinctively protective of my daughter. I will always be on high alert during any interaction my daughter has with this other mom. But not just with this mom … I will always come to my daughter’s defense when prejudice, discrimination, or hatred is directed at her because of her skin color.
Defensive of my daughter? Thanks for the compliment.
To read more about racial microaggressions:
https://www.cnn.com/2020/06/05/health/racial-microaggressions-examples-responses-wellness/index.html
