National Daughter’s Day is on September 25.
My sweet daughter,
On this daughter’s day, I’m having all the feels.
It is so hard to believe that we have been doing life together now for twenty-one amazing years. Although I feel like it has flown by in a blink of an eye, it also feels like it was an eternity ago when I met you, at age four, right alongside your four older brothers, ages six through eleven.
Our journey together has been a bit wild but amazing as I transitioned from my relationship with you being …
- Dad’s friend to dad’s girlfriend
- Your weekend mom to full-time caregiver
- Your stepmom to adoptive mom
… it’s been nothing short of my life’s truest honor and privilege.
What has always remained constant has been our special bond and celebration we have for the beautiful places each of us holds in each other’s lives.
And I love that we now get to enter a new chapter in our relationship as you “said yes” to your soul mate and begin to plan your perfect wedding and future life together.
There are a few words of advice I want to share with you as you transition into this new season of life, and I hope it helps you navigate this beautiful new chapter well, with intention and love.
Stay true to who you are.
You came to the relationship as whole people with identities and a purpose in life. Feel complete in your relationship, share your happiness, look forward to everything you’ll do together, feel better about everything when he walks in the room, miss him when he’s gone. But honor your individuality. He loves things about you that you might not even be aware of, and I’d love for you to keep your unique sparkle that only you have. It’s pure magic, my love.
Celebrate your partnership.
As you know yourself, know your marriage – why you love each other, what you need, what you have learned to give and take – and realize that very, very little of this is visible to others. When people tell you when to buy a house together, or when to have children, or why your marriage should be like theirs, remember they are not you, and they are not living your life. Stand confidently on who you are together as a couple, and don’t be swayed to fit in or conform to others’ expectations or wishes. You two come first now …. Together.
We all love differently.
People can love each other equally and show it in very different ways. Learn each other’s love languages and honor them daily. If you love him well the way he needs to be loved, you will most likely get what you need in return. This is a balance you can always return to as needed, and remember, if you can fall back on being best friends first, you can handle any hardships you might face.
Communicate well … often.
Tiny amounts of honest communication – all the time – even when you’re not together, will keep you in sight of each other. Absent or lazy communication – all the time – even when you’re in close proximity to each other is worse than silence. Intentionality is key, and don’t be afraid to get help with communication if you need it. Doing this well will sustain you till death you do part.
Listen actively.
Learn to listen as much as you wish to be heard. You do this now, but life will get noisy, and there will be distractions. Listening is not just making eye contact and waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can tend to something else. That’s just hearing and won’t serve you well.
Ask, don’t tell.
When you do get upset with each other (and it will happen), start conversations with these words: “I’m having trouble with ____, but I think you can help.” It’s amazing how responsive people will choose to be when they are invited to help you rather than defend themselves. This little shift can change everything and shows honor as well as you knowing you are on the same team, always each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
And …
The most important thing, what will keep you attuned and what will help you live well within the hearts of each other always is this:
If it’s happy, if it’s loving, if you mean it … Say it and say it often.
You make me happy.
I appreciate you.
I love you.
I’m glad you’re my person.
My sweet girl, being your chosen mom is my life’s sweetest gift, and I cannot wait to see what our relationship blooms into from here. It is an honor to share your heart with your forever soul mate.
