Being a mom of twins brings some bittersweet milestones.
I knew this day was coming, yet somehow, it caught me by surprise.
My 5-year-old boy/girl twins, Julian & Zoe, have been inseparable from birth. Not only did they nestle inside the womb for 36 weeks, but they were essentially born snuggling – separated for only three minutes at birth, then quickly returned to one another’s side. When they came home from the hospital, the doctor recommended Julian & Zoe share one crib for the first few months of their life. Eventually, they transitioned to two cribs, right next to each other, for the next 3.5 years of their lives.
Around the age of 4, we moved them into their very own bedrooms. Yet even with “big-girl and big-boy beds,” they still gravitated towards each other. Their bond was magnetic; they preferred to sleep together. My husband and I encouraged them to sleep in their separate rooms. I remember bribing them, “You can have a SweetTart at breakfast if you sleep in your own bed ALL night” (and occasionally that worked!). Eventually, I realized we shouldn’t force them to separate when they clearly weren’t ready. At the end of the day, when my twins slept together, everyone in the house slept better.
Just a few weeks ago, in late July 2024, Zoe (against her will) agreed to a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa’s house ALONE, without her beloved twin brother. She was really nervous at first, but after hearing all the fun activities her grandparents had in store for her (new toys , IHOP for breakfast, and a visit to the Art Museum) she obliged. That night, Julian felt really scared to sleep alone in his room, but after a few extra snuggles, he fell asleep.
When Zoe returned the next night, Julian declared “I am going to sleep in my bed alone from now on!”. Zoe was devastated and begged him for another night, to which he agreed, “… but this is the last night,” Julian reinforced.
I was shocked and speechless with Julian’s about-face. My two inseparable children are now decidedly independent. Not only will they sleep in separate rooms in separate beds, but in just a few short weeks, they will be starting Kindergarten in separate classrooms (cue the Kleenex).
Perhaps the signs were visible that this Twin-dependence Day was coming… and I was just too blind to see them. At the last preschool conference, their teachers shared that Zoe & Julian have different friendships and don’t often play together at school. And as they have grown older, they’ve shown that they are indeed two very different individuals. Zoe is spirited, feisty, and adventurous. She is naturally athletic and excels in gross motor activities, like riding her bike. On the other hand, Julian is easy-going, kind-hearted and more of a homebody. He’s artistic and very intelligent, loving puzzles, Legos and books.
As their mom, I’m working through all the emotions with this big change. After the initial shock came the sad realization that my sweet little babies are less dependent on me and each other, and that time is going too quickly. I worry that their special bond, that’s unlike anything I have ever experienced, is changing. I pray that they remain close to one another forever and not let their relationship drift, like mine has with my own brother. On the flip side, I’m amazed by their bravery. I’m so proud that they are learning to stand on their own two feet and be themselves. I’m excited for their future in Elementary School. And lastly, I’m hopeful that these transitions are simply proof that Zoe & Julian are one step closer to becoming the individuals they were always destined to become.
What transitions have your kid(s) gone through that gave you all the feels? Share with me in the comments.
Xoxo
Natalie
To read more of Natalie’s work, be sure to check out her blog online & follow her in Instagram @fitnessfoodiestl
