“How are you keeping your head above water during such a hard time?”
I have gotten that question time and time again. After having three children in four years and an international move in the middle, we decided we should just chill for a while. Insert a giant laughing emoji because, as we all know, that’s not how life goes. Just before our third and final baby turned one, cancer crept into our little family. We are 16 months into a battle with stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer and the fight for my husband’s life.
We all have life stressors, though. Even if it’s not cancer, it’s life and it’s unpredictable and throws curve balls at us whether we like it or not.
There are a few things I do that have helped keep me grounded during such a rocky time.
1.) Keeping a sound fitness routine.
I have had to protect this like my life depends on it. If I am being honest, I’ll share with you that I have caught a lot of slack from people about continuing to prioritize this. My therapist is the one who said I should absolutely not let that go. The physical and mental benefits that come from an established routine are doing, and will do, wonders forever and ever, amen. I have home equipment as well, however, getting out to the gym has been the relief and refuge I’ve needed to help survive this horrible ride.
(***Below, I will highlight several gyms with childcare to help eliminate that obstacle.)
2.) Hired help.
Yes, I said it. We have hired a couple of people to help manage our home and children. Again, I have caught a lot of slack from this. In my opinion, there is no shame in asking for help. I would much rather ask for assistance in order to be the happiest and healthiest mom I can be, versus biting the bullet and trying to do it all myself. That can easily turn into resentment and irritability— both things I don’t want in our home.
3.) Seeing a trauma therapist and adding meditation to my routine.
After having my first child, I started seeing a postpartum therapist and haven’t looked back since. It is an investment worth the money. In the long run, if my children have a healthier mom and my husband a healthier wife, it’s money well spent. If I hadn’t been seeing a therapist when all this went down, I would have undoubtedly lost my mind. The stressors of regular life with toddlers and a devastating diagnosis would have sent me over the edge.
I used to roll my eyes at meditation. One of the therapists I started seeing suggested I try 3-5 minutes. That’s it. Download a free app (I use the insight app) and play it 3-5 minutes before bedtime. I am now over 30 minutes and feel it has done wonders to my nervous system and state of mind. It’s free and it’s simple. Put your earbuds in right before sleep. Lights down, eye mask on, and just listen. I now have my kids meditating before bed, too, believe it or not.
4.) Medicine. Yes, Medicine.
I am a bit granola in my approach to most things, and it took a lot of convincing for me to reach for the medicine cabinet for help, but I made the leap and couldn’t be happier. Little did I know, I had struggled with anxiety most of my life. My parents divorced when I was young, alcohol was very present in my life growing up, and bouncing from school to school and household to household rocked my boat if you know what I mean. I remember going on walks as a little girl to clear my mind. Even back then, getting outside for fresh air and movement helped me cope. If only I knew then what I know now I would have started therapy much earlier in life.
Anyway, I started experiencing insomnia shortly after my oldest was born. That was it. That was the ticket I needed to open the medicine door. I started anti-anxiety meds that also help with depression, and my world changed. No longer was I waking up with crippling anxiety. My chest no longer felt like dozens of knots twisting between my shoulders. I continued my workout routine and tried to eat as clean as possible. The change that occurred was palpable. When I started opening up about this, the floodgates started opening. So so many women have walked this same walk. Many people aren’t as open as I am, and that’s ok. The reason I am so open about my story is I believe it may help others. I am willing to show my scars and bruises to help others avoid them, if possible.
5.) The fifth and final change I made that has allowed more time and money towards the things I love is to eliminate alcohol.
After my husband’s diagnosis, there were a couple of instances where I found myself downing several glasses of wine to relieve the stress. It felt better immediately, however, the negative effects continued for days after those instances. My anxiety would shoot through the roof, and my workouts would suffer. I decided, for now, I would set alcohol aside. It wasn’t benefiting my mind or body in any way. Alcohol consumption is a personal choice. I recognize everyone has a unique relationship with it, I just ended mine, for now. Not to say, when things settle down, I will never pick up a glass of champagne every now and again or enjoy a glass of Pinot with a steak, but for now, I am spending the money I would have spent consuming alcohol on fresh wardrobe pieces and gym memberships.
*** I recommend the following gyms with childcare:
1.) PLNK STL – High-intensity low impact “pilates.”
2.) TruFusion – Clayton location – Hot pilates, yoga, bootcamp, barre, spin, TRX, boxing, and more.
3.) StarCycle Des Peres – Boutique indoor cycling.
4.) Burn Bootcamp all locations – Bootcamp workouts.
5.) Lifetime Frontenac – All the things plus a pool.
And before your next thought is, “it’s too much money,” or “I can’t afford a gym membership.” I promise you, the time and money you invest in your health now, the less it will cost you later. Many of these gyms have affordable options as well.
Kira Andersen is an exercise enthusiast and lover of all things health and wellness. She seeks to lead a positive and productive life and strives everyday to be the very best wife, mom, instructor, friend, and overall community member she can possibly be. As an instructor and coach, Kira encourages you to challenge yourself each and every day. She hopes that when you take a class with her or sign on to her wellness program, you finish feeling confident in who you are and happy with the life you are creating.
