From time to time, finding ways to love yourself and show yourself compassion again may prove to be a little difficult. For some, learning how to show yourself compassion and love can be one of the hardest concepts to learn and practice. It definitely was a struggle for me.
After I became a mom overnight to five amazing kids at age 27, I became extremely sensitive. I cried about everything … I felt like things hurt me more deeply than before and it took me longer to snap out of sad moods.
Even though I really didn’t like this new version of myself, I chalked it up to the immense newfound stress I had in my life of trying to keep all five of these little humans alive and tried to live with it. I hoped that after a while, I would go back to normal – or what I thought was normal.
Three years and a cross country move later, I couldn’t take it anymore. I was tired of feeling so sad. I started my own journey of self-discovery and came across many articles that talked about how helpful building a self-love practice can be to moms struggling with being hard on themselves and balancing everything you need to be to everyone, and giving that love and time to yourself as well.
After all, we tend to be our own worst critics, right?
What Is Self-Love?
So, what exactly is self-love, and what does it mean to have self-love?
Self-love means that you:
- Prioritize your needs.
- Value yourself.
- Know your worth, and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
- Love yourself unconditionally.
- Are gentle, kind, and tough when necessary.
- Are compassionate with yourself.
My Top Ways To Learn To Love Yourself Again:
Journal To Begin To Love Yourself Again + Show Yourself Compassion
I must constantly be intentional with knowing who I am, what I need, and what I want. Research and writing have been invaluable to me. Sometimes it’s just too loud in my head. Can you relate?
When I think too much about everyone else’s interests and feelings, mine can get lost – and as a mom, I’m always thinking about everyone else’s feelings. So I take a few minutes every day to write something that I love about myself. Anything that I would want to know about a loved one in my life, I ask myself, and I write down my answer.
To Love Yourself Again, Be Compassionate And Forgive Yourself
I’m usually the first to apologize. If I think I hurt someone or I could possibly be the one who caused pain, I am remorseful, and I apologize – sometimes when it’s not even warranted. When it comes to me, though, nope! Not happening. I beat myself up so much. It’s tough love all the way, and I leave no room for forgiveness. I didn’t even know that forgiving myself was important when, in fact, it can be more important than being forgiven by someone else. Here is what I did to begin this practice:
I created three columns:
- The things I needed to forgive
- The reason(s) it was difficult to forgive myself
- Something compassionate and kind. At first, I needed to take myself out of it, and I thought about what I would have done and said if it were someone else. Now, it’s easier for me to think of being compassionate and kind with myself.
Recognize Your Accomplishments
This is a fantastic way to build confidence and feel good about yourself.
You should be proud of the things you’ve done! When I struggle with this, I make myself a nice infographic with many of my key achievements and have it as the wallpaper on my phone and laptop. This way, I’m constantly reminded of the awesome things I’ve done.
As I previously mentioned, it’s so easy to focus on negatives, and this helped me to quiet that mental noise. Whenever I start being harsh with myself, I look at my infographic and remember how much I had worked to achieve each item and how far I’ve come.
Practice Self-Care To Love Yourself Again
After I became a mom, I thought it was selfish to take time for myself because my family needed me.
I didn’t understand that if I took care of myself, I would be able to give them a much better version of me. Now, I am more in tune with my needs, and I understand the importance of taking the time to rejuvenate.
I actually enjoy it and no longer see it as a hindrance or burden to anyone else. My family also understands that I’m putting myself in a position to be the best mom and wife (and person) that I can be. When you learn to love yourself in this way, you also make it easier to love everyone else around you.
Set Boundaries
Boundary setting with loved ones and acquaintances is such a critical aspect of life that so many of us overlook. We accept poor or sub-standard treatment from others to avoid conflict and for many other reasons, but the damage this does to us over time is significant.
Many of us have or have had at least one toxic relationship that we, for whatever reason, allow to go on despite the hurt it causes us. This could be a “friend,” family member, or co-worker. When we aren’t confident enough to stand up for ourselves, these relationships can drain us physically, mentally, and emotionally and add to our already stressful lives.
Friend, I’m a firm believer that everything happens at the right time. It’s important to remember that it’s never too late to improve yourself, which includes learning how to love yourself again and more.
Self-love and compassion are a continuous process, and implementing them in your life will be one of the most beneficial things you do for yourself and your family. I encourage you to invest in yourself. Start your self-love journey and learn to love yourself today. No matter where you are on the path, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.
