I am finishing a glass of wine, about to have a second, decompressing after a long day at work. I am thinking and feeling lots of things. I ask myself, How is it possible for a day to feel like two days sandwiched in one? How could a day come with a plethora of feelings? One moment, sadness and lament, followed by gratitude. Later, disappointment and frustration but overshadowed by hope and joy. In any given moment, like a cloud that rolls in over the sky, one feeling rolls in and then another, both hovering over but one threatening to pour. Like whoa … I don’t like this reality, it can be so exhausting, but this is a common reality we share.
Promise, I’m okay, but it has been that kind of day, that kind of week.
Right now, I sit and reflect on my day, attempting to properly encapsulate what today was like. The morning was off to a rough start. It was the type of morning where you hold your breath, hope you don’t spill your coffee, and you begin to pray all unwelcome mishaps away. Already so much compounded from the week. Is it wrong to desire a little break?
It’s too early to cry!
It was a day filled with numerous emails, deadlines, countless requests, and students beckoning my attention when all I wanted was to catch my breath. Life still moving when I needed a moment, having to suppress the swarming thoughts and feelings.
Lord, help …
It was a day with the pressure to show up and do, no time to fret or feel bad, but in those moments, it’s the little things that help me get through the day. It’s noticing the colors of the season, driving in silence, taking a deep breath, reading a word, listening to music, being surrounded by people who care, and then I keep walking.
Where’s that Staples’ “Easy” button when you need it?
I’m sippin’ and thinkin’ about the several parent-teacher conferences I sat in this evening. I forget how exhausting they can be, but also how helpful and insightful they always are. I walk away humbled every time. So many families struggling, going through trying moments, and holding difficult things, but still showing up. Parent-teacher conferences are a sacred space where I get to enter and see the complexities in the lives of our children and families.
So many struggles.
So many needs.
So many hurts.
So much …
Moms, gone too soon.
Moms, being both dad and mom.
Dads, being both mom and dad.
Moms, wondering if they will still be around.
Adults and children trying to hold it together.
Both, are holding so much.
Both, are doing their best.
Friend, I tell you: We can do hard things, but we can’t do them alone. We are resilient, courageous, and brave individuals who make up a greater tapestry. Like threads that intertwine, we make something stronger and beautiful together.
Friend, keep taking one more step, keep showing up, and take a deep breath. It’s okay to feel undone and to let others in. It’s okay to admit and accept what you can’t control and to let go. Most importantly, remember you are not alone in this journey. Look up and you will see.
Looking back, I share with you what I took from this day and week:
Check in with yourself.
What are you holding? What are you feeling? What do you need?
Check in on your child.
What keeps them up? What are their highs and lows?
Check in on your people.
Have you texted your people lately? Is it time to meet up for coffee?
Check in on your neighbor.
Is it time to have some porch time or to leave a little note?
And life will ask a lot of you,
but it is worth it to go awake.
Do not travel asleep.
You will miss so many things.
Keep your eyes open.
Keep your heart open too.
There are so many things
the journey will reveal to you.
~Morgan Harper Nichols
