Nothing ushers in mom guilt like a fresh season of activities.
Apple orchards. Pumpkin patches. Sunflower fields. Corn mazes. So many fall family activities taking over your social media. Hope you invested in matching plaid and pumpkin spice for the whole family!
But wait, what’s that creeping in? What’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach, familiar but so uncomfortable and so difficult to get rid of?
Mom guilt.
As if you needed one more reason to feel guilty, let’s add not taking your kids apple-picking to the list. Mom guilt is pervasive and comes from all directions, but especially from our own heads, and our own hearts. Today it’s apple-picking. Yesterday was screen time. Last week was chicken nuggets three nights in a row. Whatever it is, it’s a core emotion in disguise. We feel guilty that we can’t give all or be all to our children, which makes us feel sad, angry, or scared.
Sad that we aren’t the mother we envisioned we’d be.
Angry that mothers are forced to take the brunt of the mental load.
Scared that we’re harming our children with our very own parenting.
But in this storm of negative self-talk, I offer a life raft. We can use a few simple strategies to cope with our guilt (regardless of how rational or irrational it may be) and maybe lessen or even prevent the feeling from popping up next time.
- Reframe: Think of a concrete fact that flies in the face of your guilt. For example, if your guilt today is due to sending your toddler to daycare, here is a reframe:
Negative thought: “I’m ruining my child’s attachment by sending them to daycare 9 hours a day.”
Reframe: “My child is benefitting from daycare in ways I can’t provide at home, including relationships with trusted adults and more social opportunities.”
- Make a small change: What is something small you can do differently that might prevent this specific event from triggering your guilt next time? If we use the same example (daycare guilt), your small change might be that this weekend, you’ll spend 10 minutes of engaged time with your child without your phone.
- Mantra: Repeat the same, simple mantra every time you feel guilt creep in. Practice taking deep breaths in between each repetition and go outside for fresh air if possible. You can create your own, but here are a few examples:
I’m the best mom for my child.
I can do anything, but I can’t do everything.
I’m doing my best with what I’ve been given.
I am good enough.
I hope these steps provide reprieve for today’s guilt and, ultimately, tomorrow’s too! But if you find yourself taken over by the guilt, unable to get through the day, unable to take care of yourself or your children, or do the bare minimum, it may be time to seek professional help.
Stacy McCann is a licensed clinical social worker and has worked with families in the St. Louis area for 10 years. In her newly launched private practice, Present Moment Counseling Services, she specializes in supporting overwhelmed, anxious, or neurodiverse moms through all stages of their parenting (and life) journeys, from perinatal to toddlerhood to teen. She lives in Glen Carbon (though serves families throughout Missouri and Illinois statewide) with her husband and young daughter. She enjoys getting outside with her daughter (and her clients!), gardening, cooking, traveling, and writing. 
