Moms need support, which is why we are thrilled to share this sponsored post from Bud to Bloom Play Therapy with you!
We’ve all been there—standing in the grocery store, at the movies, or trying to leave a playdate, when bam—your child melts down in dramatic fashion. They’re screaming, lying on the floor, and you’re desperately trying to exit the situation as quickly as possible, all while trying to look like a “good parent.” It’s embarrassing, frustrating, and, let’s be honest—confusing!
While every child is different, here are five tips from a child and family therapist who specializes in big behaviors!
1. Be a Thermostat, Not a Thermometer
One of my favorite play therapists, Gary Landreth, says, “Be a thermostat, not a thermometer.” In other words, don’t just react to your child’s emotions—set the tone instead. Your calm is contagious, so it’s important to regulate your emotions first.
2. Take a Breath & Check In With Yourself
Before you respond, pause and notice what’s coming up for you. Are you feeling embarrassed? Angry? Overwhelmed? (Spoiler: ALL of these feelings are valid.) If we can’t identify and express our own emotions, we can’t help our kids regulate theirs. So, take a deep breath, acknowledge your feelings, and remind yourself—it’s okay to feel flustered! You are not wrong or a bad parent for being angry that your child is refusing to finish their bedtime routine.
3. Show Yourself Some Compassion
This might sound silly, but hear me out—so many parents get stuck in a guilt spiral. They get frustrated when their child melts down, then feel bad for feeling frustrated. Additionally, many parents have some unkind and unhelpful thoughts that pop up in these moments. What thoughts pop into your head when your child is mid-meltdown? For many parents, they may begin to think they are “failing” or “not being good parents.” Noticing these thoughts helps you realize maybe it’s not just your child’s behavior that is bothering you, but also the meaning you are making of the experience. Try giving yourself some grace and compassion to fight off those unhelpful thoughts. You’re human, and parenting is hard.
4. Co-Regulation is Key
Now that your metaphorical oxygen mask is on, it’s time to help your child. Co-regulation means sharing your regulated nervous system with your child and helping them feel seen and connected. Try taking a deep breath, lowering your voice, and saying something simple like, “This is really hard, huh?” This helps your child feel understood and brings a calming energy to the situation while modeling regulation. Pro tip: Keep your words short and sweet—for some kids, too much talking can make things worse.
5. Save the Lessons for Later
This one is tough, but stick with me! Mid-meltdown is not the time for discipline or life lessons. When your child is completely dysregulated, they can’t process logic, reasons, and lessons. Many parents can feel like they are not setting boundaries if they do not state the lesson on consequence at the moment. However, most kids know they have made a mistake, and just like you, they feel embarrassed, confused, and ashamed and in that moment. A consequence or lesson may be too much to handle. I promise you, you are not letting them off the hook by forgoing the conversation for a bit of time! First, focus on calming the storm, connecting to your child, and the return to baseline—then, once they’re settled, you can come together and discuss what happened and what you can do to support them and what they can do to have a different outcome in the future.
Bonus Tip: Get Playful (If You Can)
I know, I know—it seems counterintuitive, but sometimes a little playfulness can turn things around. Try wondering aloud, “I wonder how many giant steps it would take us to get to the checkout?” or “You have such strong arms—I wonder if you can push the cart all the way to the parking lot!” It won’t always work, but when it does? It’s pretty darn great! Get creative as play is an amazing tool for regulation and connection, which is your goal during these tough moments.
At the end of the day, you can’t control your child—but that was never the goal anyway. Your job is to guide them, support them, and help them build the skills they need to manage their emotions. And in the meantime? Take a deep breath, remind yourself you’re doing great, and know that you’re not alone in the chaos of parenthood.
You’ve got this! 💛
Need more support?
If you’re parenting a little one with big feelings, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Our Calm & Connected Parent Group is a safe, supportive space where you’ll learn practical tools to handle meltdowns, build your child’s emotional regulation skills, and strengthen your connection—all alongside other parents who get it. Led by a child and family therapist, this group offers guidance, encouragement, and real-world strategies you can use right away.
You deserve support, too. 💛 Join us and start feeling more confident in your parenting journey.
👉 Learn more and join the waitlist here: Calm & Connected Parent Group
Jasmine Berger is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Registered Play Therapist, and the founder of Bud to Bloom Play Therapy in St. Louis. She specializes in helping children with big emotions, trauma, and attachment challenges using play-based approaches. Jasmine believes that parents are a child’s greatest tool for healing and loves supporting families in building stronger, more connected relationships. Learn more at budtobloomplaytherapy.com.
