Staying connected as our kids grow older takes intention.
As a mom of five grown kids scattered across three states, I know firsthand how easy it can be to feel the distance—both physically and emotionally. Whether you’re an empty nester like me or have teens transitioning into independence, staying connected with your kids as they grow older isn’t just a nice idea to strive for; it’s vital. It’s the heartbeat of family life, even when life’s rhythms change.
Last year, I found that I needed to focus on my relationship with myself. In the midst of many of my family members’ personal challenges, I found that I lost myself in the middle of it all. Maybe you can relate.
So, I prioritized myself and grew so much through it. I feel like now I finally have my own oxygen mask on so that I can begin to nurture my relationships with others again.
This year, I’m making it my mission to intentionally nurture my relationships with my kids. And you know what? You can, too. Whether they’re in college, starting families, or still figuring out their next steps, staying connected isn’t about making perfect plans; it’s about showing up—with love, effort, and a little creativity.
Let’s dive into why this should be a priority and how we can make it happen (even when it gets challenging).
Why Prioritize Staying Connected?
It Strengthens Your Bond: Your relationship evolves as your kids grow. Staying connected helps you stay a part of their journey, even when they’re no longer under your roof. Pro tip: I let my kids lead the conversations we have so they don’t feel like it’s an interrogation. It has helped our relationship so much for me to let them share what they want to share, and I listen intently instead of it sounding like they just showed up to an interrogation.
It’s Good for Everyone’s Mental Health: Feeling close to family provides a sense of belonging and reduces stress—for you and your kids. Don’t be afraid to share some of your successes and struggles with them, too … it’s okay for them to know that you’re human and helped to build intimacy.
It Keeps Traditions Alive: Connection isn’t just about talking; it’s about shared experiences, laughs, and creating memories that last. See something that reminds you of them? Send them a text and let them know!
Because Life is Precious: Let’s face it—time flies. Prioritizing connection ensures you’re making the most of your moments together, even if you find yourself many miles away.
How to Stay Connected All Year Long
Here’s the good news: Technology and a sprinkle of old-school methods can work wonders to bridge the gaps. Here are my tried-and-true strategies:
Embrace Technology Without Overdoing It
- Regular Video Chats: Pick a regular day and time to hop on a call. You can call it “Sunday Shenanigans,” where you each bring your favorite drink and chat about the week.
- Group Texts: Create a family group chat for daily check-ins, funny memes, and random “I love you” messages. It’s quick, fun, and keeps everyone looped in. Our group is called “Smidt Happens” and it always brings a smile to my face to see it updated.
- Social Media: Follow their accounts (respectfully) and engage with their posts. A simple “like,” comment, or mention of what they shared shows you care about what matters to them.
Send Snail Mail—Yes, Really! Old-school never goes out of style. Surprise them with a handwritten note, a care package, or a postcard from your latest adventure. Your kids will love getting unexpected letters from you—there’s something heartwarming about holding a tangible reminder of love.
Create New Traditions
- Monthly Challenges: Whether it’s a family fitness challenge, a book club, or a cooking contest, finding a shared activity fosters connection.
- Virtual Game Nights: Platforms like Game Night Out or classic board games over Zoom can turn a regular evening into a laugh-fest.
Meet Them Where They Are
- Respect Their Schedules: Life is busy, especially for young adults. Ask what works best for them and be flexible. A five-minute call or a voicemail message can mean the world to them.
- Show Interest in Their Interests: If your teen loves gaming, ask about their favorite games. If your adult child is into yoga, try a class with them. Shared interests equal deeper connection.
Make In-Person Visits Special
- Plan Ahead: Coordinate visits around milestones or downtime to ensure quality time together.
- Be Fully Present: Put away your phone and focus on being in the moment. The gift of presence is priceless.
- Cook Together: Sharing a meal is a simple yet powerful way to bond. Bonus points if it’s a family recipe!
Keep a Family Calendar Syncing calendars can be a game-changer. Share birthdays, anniversaries, and events so everyone’s in the loop. I love using apps like Google Calendar for this—it’s an easy way to plan and celebrate together.
Don’t Forget the “Surprise and Delight” Factor
- Random Acts of Love: Send them their favorite snacks, a book you think they’d love, or even flowers “just because.”
- Memory Lane Moments: Share old photos or stories that make them smile. Nostalgia is a wonderful connector. I love sharing fun Facebook memories that pop up about our family in our group chat.
Overcoming Challenges
Staying connected isn’t always easy. Life happens, schedules clash, and misunderstandings arise. Here’s how to keep going:
- Stay Consistent: Small, consistent efforts matter more than grand gestures.
- Communicate Openly: If you’re feeling disconnected, share your feelings. Vulnerability fosters closeness.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Maybe it’s a text reply or a shared laugh on a call. Every connection counts.
For Parents with Pre-Teens or Teens at Home If your kids are still under your roof but becoming more independent, these tips apply too! Foster connection now to build a foundation for later. Engage in their world, listen without judgment, and let them know you’re always there—even when they’re pulling away.
So mama, as this new year unfolds, let’s make staying connected with our kids a top priority. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present. Whether it’s a quick text, a thoughtful surprise, or a heartfelt conversation, every effort strengthens the ties that bind. Here’s to a year of love, laughter, and meaningful moments with the ones who matter most. Let’s do this!
