Behind the Photo: Holiday Edition

I love a good Black Friday sale! Along with searching for the year’s latest “it” item (hello, air fryers in 2021!), I’m usually scouting out deals for Holiday cards from my favorite shops.

I keep all of the ones we have sent out over the years on a 3-ring binder clip. It has become a treasured time capsule highlighting how our family has grown. 2013 will go down as one of my favorite cards of all time. It was a literal storybook featuring beautiful photos of our girl and detailed captions to document major milestones of the year.

Picture perfect life, right? Yes. AND there was just so much more. What you can’t see:

2013 was one of the hardest years of my life. On top of dealing with a hospital stay after delivering Olivia almost 7 weeks early, we also faced a potentially life-altering medical diagnosis. Answers for this extremely rare metabolic condition didn’t come quickly and involved weeks of genetic testing and monthly blood draws. It was a daunting entry to motherhood, to say the least. There were moments of pure joy AND a revolving door of overwhelm, burnout, and weariness of the unknown. I wish I could reach through the pages of this Holiday card and hug the younger version of myself. I would reassure her that everything would be even better than ok.

As I flip through my stack, another favorite jumps out. This one is from 2018. I can still remember the twinkle in Ryan’s eye as he climbed all around the pickup truck during our photoshoot. Liv loved that her dress was purple, as well as all the tickles to get a real smile as our photographer clicked away. Were our kids thriving? Yes. AND there was just so much more. What you can’t see:

2018 was the year that my marriage completely fell apart. Month after month, we hit new lows that I didn’t know were possible. There were countless tears, late night conversations, mismatched expectations, and a growing divide that I wasn’t sure we would ever traverse. Slowly, we built a bridge back to each other, and our relationship grew stronger than ever. I am endlessly grateful for our happy ending- it certainly wasn’t guaranteed as the version of “us” that I held so dear completely unraveled.

Mamas, as we start to receive Holiday cards over the next month or see Facebook posts with happy smiling faces recapping an amazing year, can we all take a collective breath? Can we replace any momentary twinges of jealousy and comparison with a wider lens that celebrates our fellow mamas AND recognizes that each and every one of us is going through a unique version of “hard?” There are just so many stories behind each beautiful smile.

What we can’t see in the photos or status updates are the missing pages, revised titles, and ripped out chapters. Maybe for you, it’s the:

… test results that question your health; the relationship rollercoasters; the unfulfilling job; the relentless realities of motherhood; the tension in the wait; the personal victories that feel too sacred to share; the unexpected milestones; or the constellation of dreams that seem so very far away.

One of our mama superpowers is the ability to navigate the vast space that defines the word “AND.” We are experts in holding both grief and joy, hope and despair, laughter and tears … When I look back through our Holiday cards, I am acutely aware of this list of opposites and how it plays out in my own life.

May we lean into this space of “AND” as the Holiday season ramps up- cherishing the beautiful, complicated, and yet-to-be-written parts of our story.