This month marks a milestone. My husband and I kept a tiny human alive for one year! 12 months; 365 days. We made it.
And while we managed to keep this helpless, adorable, squishy human breathing, clean, and relatively happy, there are a good number of things we didn’t do. Things that moms often feel pressured to do because Instagram is a thing in 2018.
I’d like to think we did things our own way. I’d also like to give other new parents hope that you (and your baby) will survive the first year without going overboard.
Here are the top 5 things I didn’t do as a first-time mom.
I didn’t decorate a nursery. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter has a perfectly safe crib, a hand-me-down dresser that doubles as a changing table, a glider gifted to us by my parents, and one of my old nightstands. But that’s as far as it goes.
I had grand plans of decorating her room. I was Pinteresting like any other mom to be. I told myself I didn’t need to decorate before she was born because she’d be in our room for a while anyway. Well, when the time came to move her to her room, the walls were still gray, and four pieces of furniture were the only things filling the room. And it’s the same today. As a result of neglecting to have a Pinterest-worthy nursery, two things happened:
- My daughter never noticed
- She survived
I didn’t have a fancy newborn photo shoot. I did have some photos taken by a photographer in the hospital. They were just okay, and honestly, the bajillion photos I have on my phone will probably suffice. Would some professional photos with me cradling my newborn with soft lighting be really nice? Yeah, probably. But thinking back on those first few weeks, I’m not sure any amount of soft lighting or photoshop could make me look decent.
I didn’t feel that bad going back to work. I get it – every mom has different experiences with this. But for me, I knew before my daughter was born that staying home with her would make me absolutely lose my mind. When my 12 weeks of maternity leave were up, did I cry? Absolutely. And there are times I feel guilty that my baby is at daycare school for 10 hours a day, but that’s the trade-off.
At 12 weeks old, my baby didn’t appreciate my sarcasm, dry sense of humor, and awkwardly-timed facial expressions the way my co-workers do. I needed to get back to the salt mines. And not only because money lets me buy things, but because I needed forced adult time. Otherwise, I would hermit up in my house and that’s not good for anyone’s wellbeing.
I didn’t dutifully post monthly pictures on social media. Some months I did. Most months I didn’t. It’s a lot of work to get a baby perfectly dressed, posed, and photographed. Then come up with a catchy caption. Forget it. I take pictures of my daughter almost daily. It’s just that 99% of them don’t make it to Instagram to collect likes.
I didn’t plan a first birthday party. That’s right. It’s not happening. No matter how much you shame me. No theme, no cake smashing, no party. We have other plans to celebrate as a family of three. Planning big parties stresses me out, so I’m giving myself a pass on this one. My daughter seems to be okay with it. She said so.
The point is, every mom should do what works for them. Have grand plans for your baby’s nursery? GREAT! Newborn photo shoot lined up? Fantastic! Pumped for your baby’s first birthday? Awesome! But if that’s not you, it’s okay, too.
As our babies grow, we grow, too. And knowing what works for your family is just as important as knowing what doesn’t.
You’re probably doing just fine no matter what or how you’re doing it! And if you’re celebrating surviving the first year, too – congratulations! Keep it up, mama!
