I have to be honest. The holidays were not great because one situation dampened the overall memories.
At a family gathering, a family member accused me of raising a disrespectful brat. Not only did they say this, but they said it loud enough for the others gathered to hear. The kid in question was not in the room, but it was an open floor plan, so I can’t be 100% sure that they did not also hear the accusation.
After the initial comment, I calmly said I would talk to them to ensure the action didn’t happen again. That wasn’t satisfactory to the complaining family member, and the comments on my parenting, or lack thereof, escalated.
I removed myself and my kiddo from the area and found a quiet space for us to decompress and talk it out. They fessed up to plopping onto the sofa and being a little rough with their new gaming device. I told them we need to be more careful and sit with gentle butts.
Should we leave? Should I say something? Should I, in the words of Elsa, “Let it go”? We had family in from out of state, so we decided to stay. The rest of the visit was fairly uneventful, but the damage was done; I kept quiet and hung out with the kids away from adults.
I will fully admit, my child is not perfect. But whose child is, especially around the holidays? I know that my partner and I are doing the best we can to raise a child who is the furthest thing from disrespectful. He says ‘thank you’ and ‘please’. He looks out for his classmates.
Does he have his moments? Of course, but we have to look at the whole, not a microcosm of one’s life. For a family member to take the handful of times they see my kiddo and make overarching accusations and assumptions is hurtful. And if I’m honest, disrespectful to my partner and me.
Even a month removed from the situation, it still stings. I’m tired of reminding myself that this is how some people act. Will it be easier to handle the next time my parenting is publicly criticized? Nope. I’ve been dealing with it for the entirety of my job as a mom. It makes me disengage and withdraw further from those who can’t be supportive.
I have expressed my frustrations with the constant criticism only to be met with responses of ‘That is not our intention,’ ‘We are trying to help,’ or ‘I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you.’
So, to process, I’ve re-started my daily meditation practice. I’ve started my gratitude journal again. We are doing a great (most days) job raising our kiddo. They will continue to be a caring human. And I will continue to protect them (as best I can) from folks who so easily pass their judgments with no regard for the impact of those words.
To those parents who experience criticism from those closest to them, please know you’re not alone. I see you. I feel your pain. You keep doing what’s best for your kiddo to make them the best human.
