Middle school and high school are times of great change for kids. Classes change, interests change, and quite often, friends change. It’s inevitable that our kids will meet new people and expand or change their circles of friends. Add to that the fact that as they get older our kids take on more of the planning of their lives, and it makes for very uncertain territory for parents.
I have to admit that it was strange for me when my kids started to make friends we haven’t known since kindergarten. Those kids we’ve known through field trips and sleepovers and birthday parties. Those parents we’ve come to know through play dates and school events and trivia nights. Those were my people up until now, and that was comfortable.
Now, though, I know nothing about these new kids or their parents, and I have to trust my child to make the best decisions for herself. And though it’s new territory for me, there are things I can do to ease my own worry.
First, even though the kids make their own plans now, we parents can exchange numbers and call or text each other to confirm. It’s nice to clarify middle schooler’s interpretations of what’s going on. When one mom reached out to me recently, it was so nice to know I wasn’t alone in wanting to connect.
Second, we can, despite the protests from our tweens and teens, go up to the door or out to the car and meet the other parents. I bet the other parents are just as interested in meeting us as we are in meeting them. It creates a solidarity among us when we put a face to a name and learn that we’re all looking out for our kids together.
Third, even though we don’t meet for playdates with our kids anymore, we can set up a coffee or happy hour with the parents of our kids’ new friends. This has been great to reinforce the village mentality. We don’t all have to become besties like our kids, but these interactions give us one more point of connection should we ever need to reach out. And, if we’re lucky, we do make new good friends in the process.
Despite the fact that our kids are getting older and more independent, we can still be a part of their lives and let them know we’re looking out for them. And it gives me peace of mind to know that their friends’ parents are, too.
