Nothing Wrong With a Mama’s Boy

 I’ll admit, I was more than scared when we found out we were having a boy. Growing up, it was just my mom and me, and neither my husband nor I enjoy sports, aside from the occasional hockey game. I had no idea what to do with a boy. Most of all, I was scared that I would not be able to have the type of close relationship with my son that I had with my mom.

The term “mama’s boy” has always had a negative connotation. When you hear that a girl is a daddy’s girl, it’s always followed by, “how cute.” Yet when you hear a boy described as a mama’s boy, it’s usually followed by head shaking or, ”you’ll need to break him of that; he’s going to have to be a man someday.”

Why is that? Why do we continue to perpetuate the cultural norm that men have to constantly “man up” and not need their mothers? As women, we go along with what society defines as normal and try to balance loving our sons but not loving them too much. Yet, at the same time, most women will tell you that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother.

Recently, I was reading Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. In it, she writes about being a staunch feminist who raised her daughters to revolt against the patriarchy. Then she realized that while she focused on her girls, she was perpetuating anti-feminism ideals by constantly catering to her son and not encouraging him to show and talk about his feelings. Which just teaches him women will cater to him when he is too busy to take care of himself, and as a man, you shouldn’t share your feelings or talk about them because that is what women do. Women are soft. Men must be strong. She writes, “Our boys are born with the incredible capability for loving, nurturing, caring, and serving. Let’s stop training it out of them.”

Imagine what life would be like if there were more mama’s boys in this world. Men who could take care of themselves, were compassionate, caring, and believed in themselves enough to be confident but also emotionally available. What would dating be like? What would corporate America be like? What would home life be like? I think it would be a pretty fabulous existence.

Another great book I recently read was Dave Grohl’s The Storyteller. One theme that continues throughout the book is that the two-time Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Honoree and one of the most prolific rock stars of the last 30 years is a self-professed mama’s boy. He writes about how his mom, Virginia Hanlon Grohl (who is most definitely #momgoals), was and continues to be a rock for him and a frequent presence at his shows— from house parties in his teen years to sold-out arenas now. You can also see the influence of their close relationship throughout his life:

• In the postcards (pictured) that he sent to her while on the road.
• In the stories he tells about his constant humbleness and appreciation for everything he has been given in life and the want to share that with others.
• Of his own life as a parent.
• And, most of all, through the thoughts of her as well as her feelings in situations throughout his journey through the rock world— something that most likely kept him from being another rock and roller gone too soon.

His stories gave me hope that it is possible to maintain the close, loving relationship that I now have with my two-year-old mama’s boy long into the future, and that the world will be a better place for it.

To all the boy moms out there, let’s woman up and talk to our sons, ask them about their experiences and feelings, let them show their emotions and be vulnerable. Let’s always be there with unconditional love and support no matter what society or anyone has to say about it.

“Love, something that defies all science and reason. And that, I am most fortunate to have been given. It’s maybe the most defining factor in anyone’s life. Surely an artist’s greatest muse. And there is no love like a mother’s love. It is life’s greatest song. We are all indebted to the women who have given us life. For without them, there would be no music.”

– Dave Grohl in the forward to his mother, Virginia Hanlon in Grohl’s book, From Cradle to Stage.