I was reading an intake form for a perspective new coaching client the other day and saw a term on it I had never heard before: “the sandwich generation.”
Do you know what this is?
I did a quick Google search and sat there, staring at my screen in disbelief that there is a term out there that perfectly describes my current life season- taking care of both my kids and my parents … at the same time.
If you aren’t part of this people group, you probably know someone who is walking this out right now… or this could be you very soon.
Frankly, I’ve got it easy, all things considered.
My kid are all adults now, mostly able to run their own lives with little help from us. My dad passed away last year, and my mom is mostly able to do everything for herself, outside of breaking her leg last month.
She is healing remarkably well but being a five-hour drive away from her and most of my kids is hard for sure. The best I can do to help is call every day and go visit when I can.
Because I know I’m not alone in being a part of the sandwich generation, I wanted to share some self-care tips with you today to help you cope with all of the demands of this season in a healthy way so that you can continue to thrive. I so hope it helps!
How to Take Care Of Yourself When You’re Taking Care of Everyone Else
Build a support network
It is crucial that you identify other family members, friends, or health care professionals that offer you respite when needed. This allows for a better balance of time as you navigate being a parent and caregiver.
Be open and willing to share the load with others any way possible. Be realistic in a division of duties — for example, maybe one sibling manages the caregiver schedule, one manages communication with medical professionals, one is the liaison with the care manager, etc. You can also consider hiring a service to manage the finances and other aspects of your parents’ lives.
Focus on this through all of the needs that present themselves and do whatever you can to have others share the load with you. The last thing anyone needs (including you!) is for you to burn out.
Include yourself in the care plan
Caregivers are typically the worst at taking care of themselves. Be sure to create time and space to do something that brings you joy and consider professional help if you feel overwhelmed. It’s a tremendous transition in life to see your parents decline while at the same time enjoying your children growing and thriving. You will benefit from having a solid network of safe friends and professionals by your side to help you through the roller-coaster ride.
Taking care of your kids and aging parents at the same time can be a roller-coaster ride, but it can also be a super rewarding and transformative experience. Pretty much all caregivers have universal moments of helplessness, grief, sadness, and an inability to sleep, but caregiving also causes extraordinary moments of intimacy and closeness that you will cherish. Navigating that emotionally can be challenging, so get whatever help you need to keep you whole.
Keep Your Kids Involved
Provided it’s age-appropriate for your crew, kids should be included in discussions about their grandparents’ decline and how they can contribute in their own ways, such as using their digital skills to play card / board games from afar, helping to prepare meals to be frozen ahead of time, etc. Keeping them out of the information loop tends to bring about confusion and fear, and you might be surprised at how well your kids can handle it and really enjoy helping.
Having honest conversations with your kids can make a huge difference. How you handle this will help your children establish attitudes toward aging. Talk about being respectful and helping. Depending on the condition of the parent(s), there might be a way to positively involve the children in the care without disrupting the household. Our kids have been amazing in helping me care for my parents as I live so far away. I literally couldn’t have made it through without them and other family members sharing this responsibility.
Streamline As Much As Possible
A shared digital file with your siblings can really streamline the caregiving process. I highly recommend that you include all important contacts for your parents, such as neighbors, in-home aides, doctors, care managers, pharmacists, attorneys, CPAs, and financial advisors. It’s fairly easy to do … create a shared calendar and files that are accessible at all times, and all those with access can update appointment times when they are going to visit, etc. Just like you do with your kids to get them everywhere they need to be, adding this on with your parents can help you stay less overwhelmed and stressed and keep everyone on the same page. So helpful!
Are you part of the sandwich generation? I’d love to hear from you below and know how you are managing it all. If you use any of these tips, I’d love to hear how they help.
