You know those sweet friends you run into and say “Hey! Let’s catch up soon!” But then you don’t catch up soon because there is just not enough time in the day? Or the ones who were your best friends but then one or both of you moved far away (or to the next town over, which seems far) and you forget to catch up with them because you’re busy doing life? Or the friend you see on Facebook and think, “I really should call her” but then the next time you think about her it’s a super inconvenient time like the middle of church or in the shower? Once you remember that you said you would call, or just wanted to call, you think it’s too late because it’s been so long, or because your life seems so mundane there’d be nothing to talk about except laundry or spreadsheets, so you just don’t do it.
Well guess what? You should really call them.
Last week I called a friend who lives far away and who I hadn’t talked to in at least 4 months. Here is how the conversation started:
Me: Hi! How are you?
Her: Hi! Good! What’s new?
Me; Nothing really. . . Kids are still crazy, work is good. . . Same old stuff. What about you?
Her: Yeah, work’s the same really. . . not much is happening. . .
Me: Sounds like this is going to be a short phone call!
Both: *awkward laughter*
One hour and forty-five minutes later we ended the call, despite thinking we had nothing to say. All the seemingly trivial events of the past months began to tumble out and lead to other memories and jokes and future plans. We’ve been friends for 27 years and I still love hearing the details of the “nothing” in her life. I went to sleep with a full heart that night, and the feeling carried me through the next few days.
And just as it was wearing off, I got a Facebook message from someone I haven’t really talked to since the beginning of college–nearly 20 years ago, people. The message was short and lovely, and again my heart filled up.
The most interesting thing, though, was the fact that in those 20 years I have thought about reaching out to him to recognize his accomplishments or when I remembered something funny. Yet I never sent an email because I worried that it would be awkward. But guess what, that was all in my head.
It’s the same with my Minnesotan college roommates, my friends who live a mile and a different schedule away, and my bestie who lives across the pond and six hours ahead. Whether it’s been a week or a year, we all welcome the catch-up call or the “just to say hey” email or the “the cat on this greeting card made me think of you” piece of mail. It’s how we get by. It’s how we keep our hearts full.
As an adult, as a parent, it’s easy to get caught up and forget that the “nothing much” in our lives is really everything. The work frustration, the dance recitals, the possibilities of new jobs or homes or relationships, the car trouble, the nice lady at church–they are all happening and are all part of our stories. And our lives become more joyful and our burdens less weighty when we share our stories. No matter how brief, these calls keep us connected to each other and ourselves.
So between your next board meeting and load of laundry, or your next grocery run and choir practice, make a cup of coffee and grab your phone. Don’t worry about the fact that you only have 10 minutes to talk right now, or that it’s been 10 months, or 10 years. You have calls to make.
