Balancing magic and mental health during the holidays is key.
Welp, the kids have long since returned to school. I don’t know about other mommas, but once the school year hits, I find myself entering into “fall” mode. And then it is just a hop, skip, and a jump in my thinking process before my mind is spiraling down about the concept of time and thinking about the fact that we are in the final one-third of the current calendar year. Meaning: all the holidays that make the year magical are coming up.
Insert gasps and gulps here.
You can maybe see how this time of year can begin to bring a feeling of overwhelm with a side of panic. The holidays may be magical for our people, but sometimes for us moms … not so much. There seems to be so much pressure on parents to make Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas magical and memorable. Honestly, I don’t know if that is an internal or external force of pressure that we impose on ourselves; perhaps it is a combination of the two.
Those ‘-ber’ months are filled with endless opportunities to seize and constant sharing of all the things our Facebook friends are doing to instill a sense of enchantment for their offspring. It can make the line between what we enjoy doing and what we feel like we should be doing very blurry.
And no one is happy when all the should-ing hits the fan.
At least I’m not. I always know when I am should-ing on myself because I am not actually finding joy in whatever family activity we are partaking in. Instead, I am irritable and cranky. I resent the time and energy I am putting forth, and I just keep thinking about how glad I’ll be when it’s over. But of course, I will take a picture and post it on social media about how many memories we made so that I’ll be able to check the boxes of what moms should do to make childhood magical. In the end, I don’t like our pictures because they aren’t authentic, and I am upset with myself for sacrificing my mental health for the sake of that’s- what- you- should- do-with-your-kids traditions.
If I am not careful and intentional, this mindset can carry over into the holiday season. I have had enough holiday seasons where I am left exhausted and depleted to know that I am not about that life.
I am a big believer in the fact that the holidays are magical because they are the holidays. So, I would like to offer you an olive branch, if you will. A way to reconcile that it is okay to honor your inner peace and skim back on the holiday activities. I want to encourage you that in doing so, you will find more joy and your children will be left with more magic, because after all, the magic of the season is found in true joy.
Come as you are.
I don’t think it is really ever too early to start thinking about what we want- for ourselves and our family- in the upcoming holiday season. The more prepared we are, the easier we will find it to honor where we are. All that to say: set aside all the expectations of what a holiday should look like. Maybe even take a moment to write down what you feel makes the holidays magical and then throw it away. Once we eliminate the shoulds from our minds, we can embrace what actually matters most to us. Allow yourself the flexibility to acknowledge what is true for you this year and work within your means.
Keep quiet and private.
I find that there is this invisible- maybe even self=-imposed pressure— to share our lives on social media. We want to feel relevant and validated in our life choices.
No? Just me?
That’s possible, but in case that is you, too …
Remember the value in privacy. This past year, I took six months off of social media and found that I enjoyed every single thing I did with my family. Then I found even more joy in the fact that it was just ours. Want to share your kids Halloween costumes on Instagram?
Great! Post away.
Don’t want to share your kids’ Halloween costumes on Instagram?
Great! Then don’t.
Your experiences are not more or less valuable because you do or don’t share them online.
Ditch the online comparison.
This suggestion is a piggyback onto the one above. In all honesty, who cares what Tom, Dick, and Harry do on Christmas morning. What serves them may not serve you, and that’s okay. They aren’t better or worse because they did more or less.
What matters to you… matters.
Love your limits.
This is in reference to over-committing ourselves. It’s easy to do. I mean, in the last month there was Boo’s at the Zoo’s and Trunk or Treats and then the actual trick or treating.
And that’s just one holiday.
Then, there are families to visit and in-laws to incorporate. There is food to be made and presents to be bought. There are all the meals with Santa Claus, and as if that weren’t enough, there are cookie exchanges and Secret Santas and Turkey Trots and Black Fridays and Small Business Saturdays and Cyber Mondays …
Need I go on?
If that is your jam, then by all means, enjoy the season out of it.
But, if all that compromises your sanity, then allow yourself the grace to forgo one or many of the traditional traditions. You know your schedule. You know what you are capable of doing without losing your mind. In short, you know. Honor that unapologetically because you deserve to enjoy the holiday season alongside everyone else.
There you have it.
We may have the best of intentions when we strive for extraordinary holiday magic, but we aren’t serving others or ourselves when we are stretched beyond our limits.The most extraordinary memories happen in the most ordinary of moments. Oh, and maintaining our mental health throughout the holiday season is magic enough.
Sara Springer is a storyteller, child wrangler, mental health advocate and warrior, yoga enthusiast, and a staunch practitioner of sarcasm. She is a long-time married mother of 5 (yes, 5) children who range in age from high school to first grade. She is co-founder of Love Will Foundation- a local 501(c)(3) non-profit that pays for counseling services in St. Charles, Lincoln, and Warren counties. She is committed to changing the conversation around mental wellness through her work. Last year, she decided to honor her mental health and stick with her rebel roots by dismantling all of her social media accounts. However, you can find her blogging semi-regularly at Rebel Housewife.
